Most of my clients are very successful, seemingly self-assured people with enormous drive. At the first glance, you might wonder why they would need coaching in more effective communication, appearance or leadership. In fact, these people seem already very effective.

They have got all but they want the one thing that cannot be explained: Charisma.

When we start to work, it becomes clear very quickly that more than effective – they are efficient.

They are so efficient that there is no space for themselves to BE.

  • No space for the unplanned to happen.
  • No space to develop feelings about what they have just said – not for them nor for the ones they are speaking to.
  • No space for taking in the moment with all senses and being fully aware of what is happing.


  • Everything is following a plan.
  • Everything has a proper position in the orchestra of communication.
  • Everything is managed.

The one thing they are eager to hide with their perfectionist approach is their FEAR OF FAILURE.

  • The fear of not being accepted.
  • The fear of losing what they have built in many years of self-perfectionism.
  • The fear of letting people see their own emotions and fragility.

People with charisma have a variety of characteristics – as varied as people can be – but one characteristic is not part of their set: fear.

If you look at people with charisma, they are not perfect. They are only “perfect for the moment/time/situation”.

And in order to be “perfect for the moment/time/situation” they need to be IN that moment. They need the ability to see, to hear, to feel WHAT IS GOING ON and to build their own emotions around that.

In order to do that they need to be fearless.

More than a plan, more than a specific set of behaviors they have a deep emotional connection to what they wish to become true. This is why they are ready to give themselves into any specific situation and have the freedom to act accordingly.

Try this:

The next time BEFORE you interact with others – present something, speak in front of people, want to convince somebody, … – take a long moment to find out what it is that drives you in that situation. What kind of values, what kind of needs, what kind of vision leads you to do what you are doing.

  • Then take the time to become aware of the situation while you are in the situation
  • Give yourself breaks in order to SEE the person/ the people you are speaking to, in order to FEEL what is going on in that very moment.
  • Connect what you see, feel, hear with the values, needs and vision that brought you there.

The fear of failure is only a symptom of a weak connection to your own purpose. As long as you are not sure that what you are doing is worth doing FOR YOURSELF (!), you will always rely on plans, Do’s and Dont’s, fixed sets of behavior, and you will never develop that inner strength that can become charismatic to others.

The “purpose” does not necessarily need to be a “big cause” – it only defines WHY YOU are doing WHAT you are doing. If you don’t find an answer to that question, maybe it is time to do something else.




This post is also available in: German